This is fucking hard and I’m shit at writing …
Easy Read
I took the night off writing and working and settled in to watch some T.V with Jordan.
We did the typical Netflix rodeo — a fifteen minute scroll followed by “whadda ya wanna watch?”
“iunno.”
We decided on Lewis Capaldi’s documentary. A fascinating look into his anxious mind and a harrowing walkthrough on the impacts of imposter syndrome.
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It’s Lewis at his most vulnerable.
One scene stuck with me. In it he reads out an email from Sir Elton John encouraging him.
The email reads:
“Dear Lewis, I was talking to Ed [Sheeran] yesterday and we were talking about you. He said you were feeling a bit like an imposter. BOLLOCKS! You’re totally your own man and your album is still rising all over the world. And it’s your first album. You write beautiful songs that resonate with millions of people. You’re great live and a wonderful singer… You are also very funny and original. I mean this sincerely. Stop it now please, or I’ll come out to Suffolk and bring out the latent homo in you. Buckets of love, Elton.”
Classy from Elton and exactly what you’d want to hear if you’re Lewis.
But imposter syndrome doesn't work like that. It’s not something that you sweep like dust under the rug.
After reading Lewis says:
“It’s nice to hear this stuff but I obviously still feel a bit like an imposter. I don’t think it’s ever gonna go away …I’m not confident in my abilities as a songwriter. And it’s gotten worse the more success that’s come. It feels like this is fucking hard and I’m shit at writing songs.”
He goes on the pin point the source of the feeling:
“The pressure of the job is the problem. The mammoth tours of enormous venues. The expectations upon me. That’s surely anxiety-inducing for anybody, never mind a huge hypochondriac like myself.”
He’s spot on.
Particularly the part about expectations.
See my theory is that imposter syndrome comes from comparison.
When Lewis speaks of expectations he’s saying people are expecting him to hit a home run with the new album like he did the first. He’s basing his ability on the comparison of the two albums. That the second needs to be as good — if not better — because that’s what people are expecting.
Lewis went on to write a second no.1 album despite the odds, despite his imposter syndrome. He owed it not to grit or determination, but to doing something he liked then releasing it.
“At times it was a bit nerve-wracking because I didn't know how to make an album - but it turns out if you just write songs you like and release it.”
And that’s some of the best advice I’ve heard on overcoming this monster.
Just do what you like. Don’t focus on what anyone is doing or has done. Focus on your own stuff. Feel that spark in your belly burn.
A spark can set a whole forest alight.
When you do you’ll have no fear of creating. You’ll become consistent and better and more confident.
Yes those feelings of doubt will always be there. But doing what you like brushes them aside.
By Ryan Heaney.
